Clocks Back and Slick Backs
Hi! I’ve got some random thoughts in my head that I want to get out- so I just thought I would share and do a lovely and classic little brain dump. Let’s get into it!!
It’s November now, which means it’s the very important, very widely known, very dazzling: Willianny’s birthday month! It means my favorite thing in the world (my day) but it also means my absolute least favorite thing in the world: daylight savings. I got home from work today and immediately got into bed. It wasn’t even 8pm yet. I’m an early sleeper, yeah, but this is crazy even for me. And it happens every year, no matter how much I hope it doesn’t. I try- I look at the clock and think hey, it’s still early, I should do something, as I put my pajamas on and turn off the lights. I’ve always felt very connected to the sun. When the sun is up, I’m up, and when the sun is down, I’m down. I always wake up with the sun, and once it sets, I’m ready for bed. Fall and Winter and the early, early, early sunsets are really hard for me. I tend to shut down, ignore my books, my friends, my dinner. I don’t have the motivation to do anything. It’s like, once the sun is down, the day is over. When I’ve got plans, it’s a bit different. But I can’t have plans every night. I can’t bring myself to take care of it. I can think all day long, when I get home, I’m going to do this, this, and this, but when the moon comes up, nothing happens. I’m immobile. I don’t know why. I want to fix it. I feel like I can’t fix it. I need to fix it. I say as I’m ready for bed, typing this out before the lights go out.
I also wore my hair different today. I slicked it back into a bun, which I never do. I like to do a half-up, half-down every so often, and sometimes I’ll do a slick back ponytail or a braid, but I don’t like my hair in a bun. It’s just not my favorite. I felt edgy and I put my hair in a bun today and I got a lot of compliments. When my hair is freshly washed and curly and crazy, I get compliments too- usually from the older full-time ladies at work, my favorite women in all of Fantasyland. But, more of my coworkers told me that they liked my hair today than usual, and maybe it was just because I never do my hair like this, so they just noticed it today, but I thought it was kind of strange. This hairstyle doesn’t feel like me at all, I like my big curls and my lion’s mane. That feels like me. I just didn’t want my hair in my way while I was stocking today. I don’t often think about people’s perception of me, but today I was really wondering how people see me. Do they think this look better on me than my typical hairdo? Do they think I should do this more often? Do they like that they can actually see my face or read my facial expressions? Why do they like this? I don’t even like it. Why do they like it? Do they not like me? Do they not understand me? My style, my expression, my persona? Who am I if not a girl with big hair? Who am I if not a girl that loves frizz? Who am I if not a girl that doesn’t style her hair? That feels like me- that feels indicative of who I am. When my hair is wild and curly and free and fun and messy- that is when I feel the most like myself. And maybe I’m reading too much into it, yeah- when you do something different people are going to notice and mention it. But I didn’t think at all this was a crazy or big new thing I did. Like I said, I slick my hair back a lot, just in different ways than this. But on the same tune, why don’t more people say anything when my hair is washed and wild? When it’s the most Willianny it can ever be? I’m not saying that I want more compliments from people, I’m just saying that it would be nice to know that people liked my typical regular self, and not this self whose hair is, in internet terms, not indicative of her true spirit.
I’ve also yet to wrap my head around this little breakup of mine. There’s been lots of twists and turns and circles and lines drawn and undrawn. I really need to get that out too. But I’ll do that another day. That’s a big and separate weight sitting in my mind waiting to be dumped. The big Kahuna, if you will.
Well, those are my two main takeaways of the day, but on another note, my birthday is this Friday!! I will officially be 21, and I will be turning it in Las Vegas! It’s going to be the furthest I’ve ever traveled, and I’m excited to go on a new adventure. November is going to be a busy and beautiful month for me and I’m excited to spill all about it soon!!!
xoxo, Willianny
