Did You Miss Me?
Hi.
It’s been quite some time.
Simultaneously, I’ve had no motivation to write, and I’ve had so much motivation that it’s been almost overwhelming and leaves me paralyzed.
I’m actually writing from my notes app. It’s always been, for me, that writing is something I need to be sitting down at the computer for, time carved out of my day. It’s a to-do list item, almost.
Now that I’m in school, if I’m going to pull out my laptop, why wouldn’t I get some homework done? And once the homework’s done, I don’t want to be on my laptop anymore. Kind of difficult to be a blogger if you don’t want to be on a laptop. Maybe this will be easier for me today. I have a list of things that I’ve wanted to write about- I’ve never had a list before. I just don’t want to forget the ideas that I don’t want to write about.
The past couple days my mind has been a little bit cluttered. I’m stressed out about not finding shifts at work. I had to drop a class that I was pretty interested in. I broke up with my boyfriend. I haven’t touched my sewing machine or my paints in weeks. I haven’t done my weekly AMC movie. I’ve hardly picked up my library book. I stopped scheduling homework into my week. It’s a tough moment to be Willianny I suppose.
It’s hard because it seems like I allot so much time for my hobbies and my activities, etc. etc., yet I never have time for them. My weeks are always planned out pretty structurally. I usually have probably two things going on that day and I tend to mentally build up my free time into doing other things. It hasn’t felt much like that recently.
I’ve also been adding a lot of things to my life, not just losing things. I started taking ballet, which seats neatly on Thursday mornings before I head to school, and I joined a softball team, which seats neatly on Thursday Nights well after school. I also want to volunteer weekly at the Give Kids the Works village. I’ve done it once, and I want to add it to my life too.
I think part of the problem is that I want to add so many things to my life- ballet and softball and volunteering and school and work and other work and trips to Winter Garden- that it’s making me feel a little crazy and burnout. I give myself off Tuesday, Thursday, and usually one other day a week. Maybe I can add volunteering to my Thursdays, in between school and softball.
And I’ll start scheduling my homework time before i scheduling anything else. And maybe I’ll try scheduling some blogging time. I usually write whenever something comes to me, and I’ll keep doing that, but maybe having some dedicated time to sit at my laptop for my creative and personal development will help me feel more available to do it. It doesn’t have to just be blogging too. I like to edit and burn cds and do other creative things on my laptop. Creative laptop time. That’s going on the calendar.
My other hobbies, painting, sewing, crafting, maybe don’t need to be explicitly scheduled. Maybe once my week is planned, I’ll have some free time where I can do whatever my heart desires (and maybe that can be finishing my endless list of sewing projects). I think I’ll try this next week, and I’ll tell you how it goes during my dedicated blogging time.
I think I need a little break from the blog insta too. I just want to focus on actually writing something without wondering how I’m going to advertise it. I just want writing to be the focus for what I do.
I need more structure and less structure at the same time. I need to figure out how to unclutter my mind. I need to come back to my blog, because I love my blog. I love my blog.
xoxo, Willianny
