Ordinary Things

Originally published December 24, 2024

I only drink water. I don’t like soda and I don’t like coffee. I don’t often drink juices when I’m in public. I only drink water- and I drink a lot of water. I love drinking water. At all times, I have my water bottle: a beautiful, bright, decorated, screaming orange Hydroflask that’s dented, destroyed, peeling, busted, and filled with ice water and all of my memories. It’s covered in stickers that have been replaced three times over the years. It was the first high quality bottle that I bought myself. After years of leaky, easily broken bottles, I was gifted a lovely lime green number that I ended up losing after some months of use. Then, I invested in my right-hand man, my bright orange water bottle. I don’t leave the house without it. We’re bonded.

I bring my Hydroflask everywhere, including my job of course- so my coworkers can easily spot my bottle and know where I am, including my friend Elyssa. As I’ve mentioned, I recently put in my notice at work to take on the Disney College Program. As a going-away gift, Elyssa gifted me a brand new, never-been-dropped-or-hurt, teal green Hydroflask. It made me feel seen. Recently, I’d been offered a new water bottle, as a birthday gift idea, and I turned it down. My reasoning was that although my bottle has been through hell, it still works. It’s still bright orange and it’s still by my side. I didn’t see a need for a new one, as generous and appreciative as I was for the idea.

But when Elyssa gave me a new bottle, it was perfect. Someone saw me!!!! I felt more appreciative of the offer from another person then, and I can’t explain it very well without delving too much into it, but I’m really glad that I turned down the first one to get this one. Now, I have a fresh and clean and in-tact bottle to take with me to the family Christmas Eve party. It’s a special occasion bottle, if you will. I’m so happy with it. It may seem really basic, or like it was an easy gift to get considering I’m constantly seen with a bottle, but that’s not how I see it. I’m just really grateful for it.

All this to say, I’m feeling really loved. I was looking at my new Hydroflask, ready for it’s first event, and I sent this text to my best friend, Alexa:

yes i got my soul crushed by a man but i get to plan trips to the movies with my cousins and i get to take my godsister to the mall and i get to go to dance class with alyson and i get to go on waffle house dates with natalie on chads card and i get to see my residents everyday and i get to walk my dog and i get to meow at my cat and i get to sit in the car spilling with my coworker for hours and i get to get gifts from my coworkers that know me so well and i get to paint for my cousins and do yoga with my friends and my life is so good so really what do i have to be upset about

So that’s what I’ve been thinking about today. To be fair, I was a bit hyperbolic about the state of my soul. This text is sort of the gist of what I wanted to write about, because I’ve been thinking like this a lot lately. I’ve seen and bonded with my cousins more than I have in a long time. If you know me, you know I admire my cousins with everything in me, and to spend time with them and feel like I’m one of them (I’ve always been just barely too young to roll with the cool kids), it makes me feel more loved than anything in the world. Yes, I’ve been going through it, as everyone does, in more ways than one, but at the same time, I have everything I want and need. I’ve been feeling down, but I’ve also been laughing more at work. I’m sad sometimes, but then I get food with my friends. I’m tired at home, but I can get up and take myself to the movies. I can’t talk to people I used to, but I can talk to my parents. And suddenly, I’m not going through it anymore. I see my life and I’m not sad anymore.

like yea he fell out of love with me but everyone else in my life loves me so what does it really matter

I’m really grateful for everything I have, and lately, I’ve been really good about remembering all I have. Lately, when I’m feeling bad, I can take one look up and find one hundred things to make me feel better. I would highly, highly recommend remembering that yeah, maybe something bad can happen to you-whatever thing it may be- but there’s so much good around you, that you can’t help but forget. It can’t get to you, because your family and your friends and everything you have is holding you down. Thanks my Elyssa for the bottle, you helped me see what’s been waiting for me to come back.

P.S. I listened to Ariana’s Eternal Sunshine album while writing this.

With love, Willianny